Wednesday, 25 November 2009

The brown stuff, a donkey back and things that go bump in the night

Just imagine it. you own a large building renting out flats to a number of people. No it’s not my building, but it is across the road from me. Since I bought my abode, the building across the road has had its walls resurfaced and painted. The French are known for their chic stylishness, so obviously it needs further decoration.

Qu’est-ce q’on va faire Pierre?
Laissons-nous le couvrir avec de la merde.
And so it came to pass that bits of wood framing appeared on the lower part of the façade facing the road.
Months passed. Roller shutters were fixed to the ground floor windows.
Nothing happened.
In May I return home from the UK and there is a panel of shit coloured plastic fixed on to the wall battons. Months pass and another panel appears.
Nothing happens, and there is a flurry of activity. Some smaller panels appear above the lower panels. This takes days.
A week later the panels are off again and black rubber or foam has been wrapped round the battens. There is also thick blue polystyrene sheeting behind the panels. The panels are replaced.
Nothing happens.
A month or so later there is a fortnight of activity, with 2 people now working on the job.
Then nothing happens.
This is what it looks like now.
Look out for it your next designs for living magazine. It’s bound to be up for an award.

The exciting thing is that there are still wooden battons ready and waiting for the brown lovelyness on that front wall.
Why is there a traffic jam outside my house? Well the council has finally begun to take action after the 4 road accidents. They have been trying plastic cone chicanes, electronic speed indication panels and at the moment we have a dos d'ane (a donkey's back) or speed bump to you, further down the road. The temporary traffic lights are the only thing that stopped the speeders though. It was amusing to see them whizzing down the road as usual at around 80kms per hour, ignoring the lovely new 30km signs. Seeing the red stop light just as they passed it. Some jammed on their brakes and reversed.
Earlier this year the owner of the building across the road installed posh metal roller shutters on the downstairs windows and a posh metal door shutter for the part of the building which is destined to become an office unit. Can you spot the white peugeot parked outside? Well some months back in the evening, I heard a bang. I ignored it. Then there was another bang. The lady who owns the peugeot had a white van and was trying to park it in the space where she usually parks her car. There were many more attempts and bangs, but she finally got it parked to her satisfaction. The next day I noticed that the nice door shutters are rather dented.

No doubt she reported her accident to the owner..... .
The next night she parked bonnet first. Look it's not my fault that it wasn't a man driving! I'm also almost certain the the van's bumper isn't touching the wall and that it is just a trick of the light or the angle of view.


  1. maybe she COULD drive. Maybe she WANTED to dent that door. some man probably pushed her over the edge. probably the designer of the brown plastic design wonder. looks like something a man would do. yep yep

  2. Let's hope that you never become bitter and twisted


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